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We've been friends with a woman, who has overcome several challenges, and I respect her for that. Yet, she has been repeatedly caught off guard in relationships. Her partner walked away, and it was a massive blow. Several of her social circle vanished at that point, as they were only interested in the spouse. This surprised her deeply. She made greater energy to be my friend, and must have realised better what friendship was.

A Recurring Theme In Relationships

Throughout this period, many in her circle vanished and she isn't sure why. Her last employer turned on her, even though she was very skilled at her work, she departed without knowing what had changed.

Present Situation

Recently, we have each retired and are seeing time together, but I am finding my role in the relationship is as the audience. I open subjects and she changes them to what interests her. In terms of politics, she expresses strong opinions. My effort is to propose factchecking and different perspectives.

She has been arranging a trip abroad I know well repeatedly and resided in for some time. I attempted to offer advice, but this was not welcomed. She really just desired my agreement with her decisions. I recently returned from a month in that country and she wants to meet, but I don't.

Weighing the Options

I don't want in this role who cuts and runs without explanation, but I don't think she'll truly comprehend the consequences of her actions on my self-esteem. Right now, my state is pulling back. What should I do?

Potential Solutions

It's possible to walk away, but it is not often the easy answer we hope for. But confrontation aiming for a solution demands strength and readiness from both people.

Experts suggest applying a useful conflict resolution tool:

"Step one is to state the usual pattern during your discussions. It should be as factual as possible like what a recording device would replay. The second is to express how this makes you feel. Ideally, there's no disagreement on this point. Your feelings are valid, naturally. Step three is to ask ways you together will alter the pattern between you."

Keep in mind that she also has her own side, thus requiring you to remain ready to listen to her. A helpful technique is telling to the other person:

"Now you talk while I will not say anything for 30 minutes."

It's remarkably successful in fostering mutual respect.

Closing Considerations

This person might reject all you say, since certain individuals cling to a self-protecting mindset: they rely on a version of their life they cannot release because their very survival relies on it and it's all familiar to them. This is difficult when there seems no clear path with these people, mere obstacles. However, she might initially present like this then consider about what you've said. If you don't achieve a fix, it will give you peace that you've been honest with her.